Open letter to the parents of “The Bully”
Posted by Michelle Lewsen
Dear parents of “The Bully”,
Let me start by saying, you seem like really lovely people. This makes me feel a little awkward because if I wasn’t writing this letter to you, I’d probably be trying to befriend you. How do I put this? I suppose I’ll just come out with it – your child is a bully.
There, I said it.
I can imagine what you must be thinking. You don’t believe me for a minute. I know what I would be thinking if I were you. I’d be thinking, “There is no way my child could hurt a fly. My child isn’t capable of being a bully.” You’re thinking that my child must be exaggerating a small playground scuffle. Well, I have some sobering news. Your little pumpkin has been conducting sophisticated psychological warfare on my child that would make Al Qaeda proud. Your innocent princess has been threatening other children with all kinds of psychological torture, should they decide to inform on her. I do give you one thing – she’s uber-smart.
How are we going to deal with this? This is where it gets sticky. You could tell me my child is a liar (entirely possible, but for the witnesses – unless your sweet little terrorist pulls a mafia job on them. Also entirely possible). Or, you could tell me kids will be kids (Charles Manson’s kids?) and that my child should develop a backbone and stop being a cry-baby (the name she is repeatedly called in a sing-song fashion after she has been verbally lashed by your
psycho baby girl.)
But, just maybe, if I’m lucky and you’re reasonable (hey, a girl can wish) you’ll be shocked and upset by what she’s doing. Maybe you’ll sit down and chat with her. Really talk. Maybe you’ll find out what is making her feel so sad and worthless that she feels the need to hurt and humiliate my child to feel strong and happy. Maybe you’ll give her some cuddles and tell her that she is special and important and that you see and hear her. I really hope you do. I want your princess (yes, I know deep down there is a princess there) to know that her parents love and accept her unconditionally and that it’s okay for her to love herself.
If you decide not to deny or defend her bullying but rather find out why she’s doing it, then she will feel heard. She will walk tall. She will feel valued.
And then maybe my little princess and your little princess can become friends.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
A Hopeful Mum.
Were you bullied as a child? Have your children been bullied? How did you deal with it? Do you think schools should always inform parents if their child is bullying others? Let’s talk about this.
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About Michelle LewsenMotherhood is a privilege but sometimes, when we're covered in vegemite/vomit/poo, it's hard to remember just how lucky we mums are. In another life I was an award-winning Copywriter with something to talk about other than the fact that Jason Mraz was on Sesame Street. I moonlighted as a Personal Trainer and Aerobics Instructor just for fun (because I was bored, what with all that annoying free time...) In this life, I'm mum to three entertaining yet exhausting, delightful yet demanding, inspiring yet soul-sucking people I've ever met. I love them intensely and will go Mama Bear on anyone who dares try hurt them. Even on the days they seem bent on my destruction. I am also the lucky winner of Cupid's lottery and somehow landed an incredible husband. The poor guy suffers through my adult ADHD with an admirable generosity of spirit and a wicked sense of humour. I think I'll keep him. This blog captures my life. Sometimes warm & fuzzy, sometimes shriek-out-loud funny. In my spare time (between 1am and 6am) I've been writing a series of children's books. Soon, I'll be publishing them and your kids are going to adore them, so watch this space. WARNING: I'm an oversharer. Working on it. (Not really)
Posted on J June, 2012, in Bullying, Family, Gratitude, Life, Motherhood, Parenting, Self-esteem and tagged bullying, crying girl, how to deal with bullies, letter to the parents of a bully, mean girls, sad little girl, teaching your child to deal with bullying, were you bullied?, what age do girls start bullying, why do kids become bullies?. Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.