Hi I have two questions: 1) Does Andrea Bogue have an email address? I'm in the states but would be interested in contacting her. 2) Do you know what the approach would be for 2 issues: A) My daughter is juuuust 6 mos, but has a only partially resolved medical issue (food sensitivities) that the doctor has said just isn't going to get any better. She wakes 5-6 times per night (but only 1 feeding), and it isn't clear if she just needs to get better at self soothing, or if her tummy is bothering her enough to wake her up. She's pretty happy during the day. B) Pacifier "hell" - i.e. she has become reliant upon a pacifier to soothe herself to sleep whenever she surfaces at night or during naps. Meaning, she needs me to put it back in for her :( We've tackled most of her other sleep crutches successfully (she's no longer held, nursed, or touched to go to sleep), but I'm dreading getting rid of the pacifier and not sure if she'll be able to settle back to sleep easily without it.
Posted on J September, 2012, in Family, Motherhood, Parenting, Sleep and tagged Andrea Bogue, attachment parenting, Baby Whisperer, hypnosis session, Infant, positive sleep training, Should I Ferberise my baby?, sleep, sleep deprivation, Sleep disorder, sleep nazi, sleep training, your baby can sleep for 12 hours. Bookmark the permalink. 70 Comments.
Hi there, I was just wondering...you mentioned you have 3 children...my 3rd is 8 months and has begun to wake a couple of times a night (after having slept through previously) and won't settle until he has had a bottle (and now that he is sitting/crawling, he refuses to lie down and be soothed to sleep). The problem is, he shares a room with his 3 year old brother, so while with my other children I could allow a bit of crying and self soothing, I'm really wary of him disturbing his brothers sleep. Did your children ever have to share a room? Do you have any advice how to deal with this? Thanks for any suggestions you are able to give xoxo
I'm going to try this tonight! This is the type of info I've been looking for. I want to exhaust options before I fully do cry-it-out. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your information!
Thank you for this blog post. I have a 6 month old and haven't slept more than an hour and a half since he was born. Needless to say, I am VERY excited to try this method. I would however love to talk with Andrea. I live in the states though. Do you think she would do email consultations?
Hi. I'm trying your method with my 9 month old. What if she cries so hard and gags herself until she throws up? I've been going in to clean up the vomit, but I feel like she's doing it just to get me to go in but I shouldn't let her roll around in her vomit.
So I've been going in and out of my sons room for an hour and a half and the longest we've gone without crying is 20 seconds. We've got 11 months of conditioning to undo, so im not expecting miracles here, but how long should I expect it to take? Is there a point when it's time to stop for the night and just nurse him to sleep?
What do you do if your. LO stops crying, so you go in to praise him, but as soon as he sees your (happy) face he starts screaming again? Do you still praise him for the brief quiet moment while he's crying?
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!!! I can't thank you enough for making this post. I'm so glad I found it. I was really struggling with finding a good way to help my 6 month old learn to sleep on his own, but I didn't want to do the old 'cry it out' method. This worked so well and on day 3 (tonight) he fell asleep on his own with no crying in about 10 minutes!! I'm sharing this with everyone I know that has babies.
Follow on from my post. Yes this method works! I've kept at it and she has been napping for 2 days, they have only been 45mins long but it's amazing for my LO as she never napped! Thankyou thankyou!
My 5.5month old refuses to nap. Maybe she will in the car or I have rocked her to sleep a few times when she hasn't fought me on the idea. I try 3 times a day to get her to nap, when I see the tired cues. Yet she doesn't sleep. I've started the method above today. Still no naps, she was calm in bed for 30mins each attempt- I checked in her every 5mins to praise, then she would cry the next 30mins. I would go into the room in between crying breaths. I know that teaching a baby to sleep will take time. How long do you recommend I try this? I'm very keen to keep trying, there has to be a way ahead. My LO usually sleeps from 6.30pm, feed at 9 then hopefully managed to get back to sleep by 11pm then usually sleeps till 6am. There had been some crazy nights of no sleep, but usually ok. It's just the day naps that are an issue.
Thank you for this! We have been struggling with sleep training and we tried your method tonight and it worked like a charm. I got him calmed down in his bed and told him I'd be back in a few minutes and then he put himself to sleep! Anxious to see how the rest of the night goes! Thanks again.
Am so happy and excited to have come across your blog. After 9 months of no sleep and having tried everything else, reading this has given me hope. I realized that my son probably just needed some encouragement and positivity to stay asleep. I am against the CIO method and would rather have another year of sleepless nights rather than let him cry it out. I still cosleep with my son, and am just wondering if this method can be implemented somehow be adjusted to work for us? I have to say, I just tried the positive reinforcement tactic and lay down beside him to sleep for the night without patting/shooshing/nursing and he somehow miraculously decided he was sleepy after about 20 mins of lying down beside me and talking and just closed his eyes. Which he's never, ever done when I've put him to sleep 4 times a day for 9 months now! I believe this method WILL work, I am just hoping for tips for a cosleeping parent? Thank you so much, am forever grateful!!!!
Hi! I've been using this technique for naps today. So far, this has been wonderful! Usually naps are a headache but this feels like such a loving and easy way to help him nap. I'm booking marking this and will be sharing with my mommy friends. Thanks so much for posting this! I'm hoping I continue to have this kind of success.
This made me so encouraged & excited for bedtime! My babygirl is 5 months old. I've tried everything. & being a single mom, I am exhausted & at the end of my rope. I just started letting her always sleep when I was ready & in my bed because it wasn't worth the fight. I'm trying this method for the first time tonight. & she's been screaming for 40 minutes. :( I try to reward her between breaths or when she stops for a minute. But when she sees me, she screams. Any advice?
Hi there, I just started bdoing this today with my DD. She will only go to sleep with boob. I was doing the PU?PD method and it worked at frist but then regression happened. So far it has worked after 15-20 minutes. I went in after she turned over and went to sleep. I said the mantra and she turned, wept for a second, turned back, and went to sleep. I went in again a few minutes later and said it again in a lower voice but not a whisper. HSe didn't respond that time and continued sleeping. My questions are; 1. My DD never naps longer then 45 minutes. I'd like her to consolidate to three naps of 90 mins, 90 mins, and 30-45 mins. If she wakes at the 45 min mark crying, should I do the method over again till she falls back to sleep? 2. My DD sleeps 11-12 hours at night but does cry to eat (in her sleep), then I feed her (in her sleep), and put her back down without an issue. Should I not be feeding her anymore? She will really only nurse when sleepy or asleep. :/
What do you do if your child gets MORE upset when you come in to check on them? And should you touch them when you go in and repeat the manta? My little guy is 7 months and he just seems to get more upset when we go into the room repeat the mantra and leave. He's never slept through the night and we are constantly getting up in the night to settle hi,, I'm exhausted and beyond frustrated!
I'm at the end of my rope with my 6 month old son. He's an awful sleeper. I'm sleep deprived and crying daily. I'm so anxiety ridden at night I'm nauseous waiting for his next wake up. I need a plan of attack. How many nights did this take? My son was recently sick (double ear infection and respirory infection) and since his sickness he's been waking multiple times in the middle of the night, sometimes for close to 1 1/2 hrs awake. Does this work for tempormental children? I'm against CIO but feel this is my only hope.
Hi! I´m Cibele and I´m from Brazil. First of all, sorry for my terrible english. I have an 8 month baby named Helena. She is an angel, but she wants to breastfeed several times every night. And if I try to not feed her, oh-my-good-God! What can I do? Please help me!! Do you know anyone in Brazil, that can do the same work that amazing Andrea Bogue did with you? I really need some help! Thank´s for your attention... Cibele
I hope you are still reading comments! I live in the states and have never heard of this method, want to give it a go with my 13 month old. Do I do the pop in and actually wake him up to reassure him? And do the same throughout the night?
thank you for sharing, I implemented everything you said and it worked, I think it only worked as I had spent a day at a sleep clinic a few months ago, they taught me to recognise my bub screaming at me versus her crying...once I knew the difference it was much easier to let her "scream" at me before going in and consoling her.i never timed it, i just went in and rewarded her when she stopped screaming....its day 2 now and we are all happier. Bub is not only sleeping but eating better too and is happier......so thank you for this gift.
Hello, I LOVE THE IDEA FOR THIS SLEEPING METHOD BUT I THINK I AM DOING IT WRONG. I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS: 1. WHEN I GO IN DO I SAY AT THE DOOR OR DO I GO TO HER AND TOUCH HER 2. HOW LONG DO I WAIT UNTIL I GO IN A FEW SECONDS OR MINS. 3. EVERYTIME I LEFTED SHE WOULD SCREAM AND CRY EVEN HARDER WHAT CAN I DO? SHE NEVER CALMED DOWN EVERYTIME I LEFT THE CRYING WOULD START AGAIN SO SHE CRIED HERSELF ASLEEP DO I STILL SAY IT WHEN SHE IS ASLEEP? I DID TRY IT FOR HER.MORNING NAP I HOPE YOU STILL GET ON. MY SIX MONTH OLD IS A HORRIBLE SLEEPER SHE HATES NAPS AND SLEEPING AT TIME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME
Hello I love this idea and will be trying, if they wake crying in the morning but the fine is ok so say 6.30 do you try to wake for a break then or just go in and say good morning? I am hoping the night waking may stop once they feel secure!! Also do you keep going in and saying back soon every few minutes until there asleep? Thank you very much for sharing
Thanks for the post. I'm interested in a couple of things. For context my baby is 7 months old. I tried this for about 30 minutes. Firstly - do you not find that coming in and out distracts and wakes them when they're beginning to fall asleep? In my short attempt I found he'd be singing himself to sleep. I'd walk in, then when I walk out he'd scream again. Secondly - I want my baby to know I'm around, but will come when he needs me - I pressume they still cry out for real needs. Pain etc. Thanks again.
I am going to try this starting tomorrow. 8 months of next to no sleep is taking it's toll! My 8 month old went through a week of only waking once which was great but the last month has been waking up to 5 times a night. i really need some sleep!!
Im currently cosleeping with my son who turned 2 months today. Do you think this would work with a baby so young? I'm not quite ready to transition him out of our bed but maybe soon. Or maybe start with daytime naps? And just so I get the gist of this, you put them in the crib happily, kiss them, walk out. When they stop crying go back in and do the same routine until they fall asleep? Then just let them sleep? What about when they wake up from the nap and cry?
Hi Jen, I feel for you1 I was there, in that same pacifier-jail boat as you and Andrea fixed it all. I don't have her email address but I know you can contact her via telephone and book in a Skype session. Good luck!
Hi Erin, thanks for commenting here. I never had children sharing a room but we did have issues over holidays away where we had to settle kids sharing rooms and we found that, as long as we let the other child know what we were doing, the other child (mostly) just rolled over and slept through it all. So, my advice would be to continue as you would if your 8 month old was in his own room. The disruption shouldn't be for more than a couple of nights and it will be worth it because he will learn that he can't manipulate the situation based on circumstance. If you still need help, I strongly recommend contacting Andrea Bogue (number in the blog post) and arrange a telephone or skype consult. She is a miracle worker. Wishing you success, peace and lots of sleep!
Exactly the same response as when you re-enter after putting baby to bed. Upbeat, calm, "hello baby! I see you're up. It's still sleep time so go back to sleep and mum will be back to visit in a minute. Night night!" Then smile and walk out and continue as you did at bedtime. I promise it works! Good luck :)
Only start after the age of 6 months. Before then, baby isn't developmentally capable of learning what needs to be learned here. Wishing you luck!
Ria, I am no sleep expert and have to admit that I have no idea what my Baby Whisperer would advise. I would hate for your baby to be so traumatised that she is vomiting as this is supposed to be a gentle and positive experience for her. I strongly advise you to contact Andrea Bogue (her number is in the post) for advice. Wishing you luck and sending you love.
You smile reassuringly and happily and say "mummy is coming back, good boy going to sleep so beautifully" and walk out again. You let him know that you are not afraid for him so he shouldn't be either. Then you keep going. Soon enough, he will realise that you are continuously coming in to check in in him and he doesn't need to call out for you. At this point, he will stop crying because he will be confident that he is not alone and that you will be repeatedly checking in. This will give him the sense of confidence and security he needs to relax and fall asleep. Best of luck!
Kelly, I am so thrilled to read this! Just keep on going the same way and you're set for success. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Thank you for sharing that, Kami. When we learned this method I HAD to share it because it is such a compassionate, beautiful way to teach our precious babies to sleep independently and deeply.
Just keep going, mama. Give her calm and happy vibes and lots of upbeat encouragement when you go in. Fingers crossed!
Hi Karen, thanks for writing in. I found that, in the beginning, she would seem distressed but she was in fact voicing her anger that we weren't patting/singing/hypnotising.. You get it. I would continue to keep going in, smiling and happy and reassuring. Find the spaces between the angry cry and praise him for being such a good boy. He will read your body language and see you're calm and unworried and he will follow suit. Then follow the pattern. He'll get it. Right now. I'd say he's protesting the change and letting you know he'd prefer your old way. That's okay! You just have to let him know that this is the new way and that it's wonderful! Wishing you luck! If you have any more problems, you should consider a telephone consult with Andrea (her number is at the end of the post) Take care!
It doesn't sound to me like you wake LO up, per se, but rather you go back in as they're falling asleep, tell them how good they are, then leave. I would think that once as they're falling asleep and once after sleep has set in would be good. But then again I'm just another sleep deprived mommy in the states. :-) Good luck.
Hi Tiffany, I definitely wouldn't try this method with a baby under 6 months at the youngest. You can, however, start using the basic philosophy if creating a bedtime routine, special song, etc. in the meantime, enjoy the co-sleeping and the special closeness it gives you :)
Thanks I may try skyping her. What did you do for the pacifier? Cold turkey? Teach her to put it back in herself? We're trying Pantley's pull-off method right now, with a little progress but not much.
Thanks. So last night tried it and she went to sleep after a half hour but then she woke up in the middle of the night. I was up for two hours going in and out praising when she was calm and quiet. She did finally fall asleep with very little crying. Is there a limit of how often you should go in? Like if baby is still awake after 30 minutes, do you just stop going in? Also tried it for a nap right now. It went horribly bad. She was calm for about 20 minutes then became hysterical... Coughing, sobbing, and having a hard time catching her breath. She cried even more with each time I walked out. Then picked her up twice because she wasn't even calming down with me patting her. Then I tried putting her back in the crib and before I could she started going hysterical again! Felt so bad and frustrated. Eventually gave in and laid her on the floor with me and patted and she fell asleep. Poor girl was breathing heavy and hair was soaked from sweating. I moved her into the crib once she fell asleep. I know I shouldn't of given in but not sure how I was supposed to handle that. Would love your thoughts. Thanks!!
I was worried before but after a bit she calmed down once I calmed down. I just did the same technique for her second nap and she didn't cry as hard. It only took 15 minutes and she's fast asleep and I went in and praised her during her quiet moments. Sorry, momentary panic and hopefully that was the last time she gets that upset. It took 45 mins total to get her down the first nap and she slept for 93 minutes and it only took 15 minutes this time. Thank you for responding so quickly and I'm so hopeful this will be a permanent solution for us!
Hi :) this all Sound really good. How old was your baby when you started doing this. We have a seven week old - is he too Young for this you Think?
Thanks. I love it. My husband (who now sleeps in the spare room) thinks its bad. It's looked down upon in the US. But I sleep better and so does my son. I'm not looking forward to sleeping without him but I'm definitely looking forward for cuddling with my husband again.
You know, I'm not a baby sleep expert and I don't know what Andrea Bogue's advice would be (I recommend calling her, 100% worth your while) but my gut says that you did the right thing. Here's why: I think that sometimes out little ones are too tired for a "lesson" and it's wise to call it quits and start again the next day. Your mama-sense told you that. I'll bet anything that when you put her to bed tomorrow, she'll respond beautifully to her sleep training, being tested and ready to learn. I wish you only the best and I hope you experience success with this. Sleep is underrated!
Hi luise, I definitely would not recommend this with a 7 week old baby. This method is only going to work with a baby older than six months. Wishing you lots of luck. On the mean time, enjoy cuddling and bonding with your precious baby.