Hey, you! (Yes, YOU.)
I see you, you know.
I see you in those moments when you think nobody’s looking, those moments when you’re not sucking in your tummy, when you’re yelling at your kids, when you’re serving McDonalds for dinner because you’re too tired to manage anything else. I see your panic when you realise you let down your guard for a while and showed your vulnerabilities. I see the judgement in your eyes as you assess yourself and find yourself lacking. I see your sadness. I see it through your smile, a smile so pretty that I’m left mystified by your inability to see how beautiful you are.
I see you.
I see you when you stay up late at night to hold together the fabric that makes up your family. You carefully sew that fabric with a shiny thread of dedication, resentment, love, fear and hope and you wonder if it’s strong enough to hold. You wonder if the 200% you’re giving your family is enough, and I want to take you in my arms and hug you. I want to take you by your shoulders and shake you, because I can’t believe that you could ever doubt your immense value.
I see you.
I see you when you catch a glimpse of your child doing something spectacular. I watch in fascination as you get that glint in your eye and you ask yourself, with wonder, how such a great kid could be yours. I want to scream because I can’t comprehend how you do not see your own beautiful self in your child’s actions? How is it possible that you don’t see your own magic? Do you not see that everything that incredible child has learnt has come from you? I see you as the teacher, mentor and inspiration that you are. Every day. I see the kisses, the cheerleading, the comforting, the teaching, the role-modelling you give unselfishly with every one of your breaths. Generosity is who you are, yet you refuse to look in the mirror and see the exquisite person I see.
I see you.
I see you, hiding in the bathroom, as tears roll down your cheeks. Your exhaustion hangs on you, cloak-like, as you sit with your head in your hands, sobbing because you simply cant. go. on. I see you as you bravely deep-breathe, splash your face with cold water, dust off and paint on a smile. I see you beating yourself up in this moment because you feel you have no right to these feelings. I see you as you mentally tally your bountiful blessings, count yourself lucky and make the decision to hate yourself more for daring to not be happy. I see you bravely face the world when you emerge, wearing a hopeful smile and a promise to be better. I watch in disbelief because you refuse to see how absolutely remarkable you are.
I see you.
I see you struggling with not being enough. Not engaged enough with your kids. Not up to date enough with the laundry. Not enough of a disciplinarian. Not enough of a hugger. Not enough of a wife. Not enough of a professional. Not enough of a friend. I see you, shoulders hunched, as you weather the beatings of these “not-enoughs” as they rain down on you. I see you try, over and over, to be more and do more and I see you fail because you will never judge yourself to be enough. How could it be? You are so much more than enough.
I see you. I love you. You’re enough.
If you liked this, I’d really love to hear your comments, so please don’t be shy (comments make me do a happy dance).
This post was syndicated at Bonbon Break Magazine.
I am typing through tears as I send my thanks to you. I alone am still awake, cleaning the kitchen in preparation for a visit by the in-laws who really do think I am not doing enough or doing it right. I am grateful for the message in this post and for the timing of it. I am sure this one will touch many hearts as it has mine. Thank you.
Kristen, I’m glad you’ve got this message. Go look in the mirror…really look. I hope you see more than your perceived flaws. You are enough. Sending hugs (and also good luck for the in-laws…. ack!)
I see you too, and don’t forget it. You just might see this in your inbox someday. xo
I see it in my inbox everyday. And thank G-d for my supportive friends and family who force me to be kinder. xoxo
Oh, Michelle! You have made me cry again! This is totally me. I sat down and cried last week, because of everything you wrote. Who knew I was such a cliché?
Seriously, thank you for this. For making me know I’m not alone, and that I am beautiful and a good mother and writer and dancer, in this insightful, and as always, gorgeously written post. Hugs.
Keesha, I wrote this for me and you and all the other crying-silently-in-the-bathroom moms who are all pretending we are strong and beating ourselves up because we think we aren’t good enough. The thing is, we compare ourselves with other moms’ pretend-perfection and illusions of juggling it all – the truth is, even the perfect mamas need to read this because I promise you, they don’t think they’re perfect. Not even close. Sending you love.
Michelle, you are a wonder of amazingness! I thank you for this, not just for myself but for the friends I can share it with who also feel this way. You have such a beautiful soul and you help others everyday see they have one too.
What a beautiful comment, Natalie. I feel humbled.
Hi Michelle – I know that your words were for a special friend, but they resonate with so many moms who hold themselves to such high standards.Thanks for a beautiful post!
Thank you
How do you do that? How do you live in my head and speak to me like that? Geeze girl!
Lovely Mishy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sent from my iPhone
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thank you for seeing me even when i can’t see myself.
And just then, when all is crumbling you swoop in and make me smile
You will never know how much I needed to read this today, of all days. It gave me a much needed smile and boost to stop myself from just crawling under my covers and hiding. Thank you is not enough. HUGS!
Oh Mishy, you made me cry! I have always said this, that you have a real way with words, but the truth is that it’s not just words. You FEEL every emotion that you write and are able to touch all our souls and let us know we are not alone. And I needed to hear this today. Thank you for seeing me! I see you too! You are a beautiful, gentle and caring soul and the world is better for having you in it and being able to express yourself the way you do. Everyone benefits when you share! Love you my friend xxx
This post was really lovely and universal. even though i cant specifically relate to many of the situations that you have described I can still appreciate the struggles of many who are burdened by these self criticisms. thanks for encouraging us on.
Do you really believe all that? Yeah I got teary eyed as well, cause lots of that hit the button, but my bad wicked life has also taught me one more thing: cynicism, and to question everything, so here’s me asking… What value do you have in other people’s lives? My life? People you don’t know, will never meet and most likely are quite disinterested in meeting to begin with? How is your caring and your post any better than all the other no-brainer posts out there who try to magically lift people from the pit by just waving the magic wand of posting-on-social-media? Instead of that, why not follow MY suggestion instead? Go out and meet a woman you don’t know. Someone with those hunched shoulders and the forced bittersweet smile and the almost-fake courageous stance. Meet her, chat her up, and try to be a true friend to her. No, you won’t do any good to the rest of us, but in that way you WILL make a difference for one of us. Personally I’ve wished this every time I read one of those mushy motivational memes and posts, how happier people would be if instead of posting it for web hits, they actually lived the principle. Apologies for being a spoilsport. From my point of view, having thousands of such online friends who care and support by posting by now, I’d easily dumb the lot for a single real friend in the real life.