In case you’re new here, and aren’t familiar with the MOMfessional, I’ll explain. We all have secrets, don’t we? I certainly do – in fact I have so much dirty laundry, I have no choice but to air it. As bloggers, we hang it all out, every day and most of us have a strong network of friends and family who support us incredibly. This comes at a price – there are just some things that we don’t necessarily want to share with our nearest and dearest, plus the school mums, plus our work colleagues… you get the drift.
Out of this situation, the MOMfessional was lovingly born to proud parents, Chris from Life Your Way and I. Without any further waffling on, welcome to the MOMfessional – a space where other parenting bloggers can let it all hang out.
Some advice: Get comfortable.
Before you read and comment, I want to remind you that behind the blogpost is a person, a real human being with feelings. She is also an incredibly dear friend and a wonderful support to me. Debate and dissent is always welcome and encouraged, but please let’s speak kindly to one another here. It takes cahones of steel to open up and lay it all out, as she has.
Over to you, Miss Molley:
I was a Home Wrecker
by Molley Mills at A Mother Life.
There’s this New TV show on ABC called Mistresses.. Seriously? Yep we’ve sunk to a new low, we’re watching trashy television about men who cheat and the women they do it with. Why? Because most people lead extremely boring lives and they’re voyeurs into something more exciting. Hence all the rubbish that is on TV these days. How else can trash like Snooki become world famous! There’s not a single channel where you don’t have a reality TV show. I hate them. Detest them. I feel my brain shriveling with every millisecond it’s on before I can make the remote go anywhere else. If you like them, then power to you! Honestly I’m not judging but I can’t do it.
I guess this one is especially appalling because I lived this life. I’m not proud of it and I try not to talk about it too much. Here’s where it gets hard, and if you tend to judge and feel all stabby to those women then you need to go over here and read about puppies or something because this is called MOMfessional. And I’m ‘fessing up. Ok so you got your mind open? Ready to receive ???
I am a home wrecker, there I said it. I was a mistress, for 6 years!
Let me begin by saying this: IT IS NOT GLAMOUROUS.
Circumstances happened that changed my life forever. I fell in love with someone who wasn’t mine. It was a crush to begin with, you know how that goes, mending a broken heart on the next thing. Crushing on someone who will be safe, nothing can happen. Well in this case I was wrong and it did happen. Now there are all sorts of back stories and reasons and stuff but that is not my story alone to tell and I won’t bring that into this story. I will only talk about myself. I think that’s fair. Being a Mistress is hard, and here’s why.
10 reasons you’d hate being a mistress:
- Nothing you do can be out in the open. You will always have to sneak around and grab moments here and there. You are always watching, making sure not to be seen together.
You have to lie, a lot. This was hard for me, lying is not my strong suit and those who knew me well ready did see right through. As we found out later.
You are ruining someone else’s marriage, however dysfunctional it may be. And no amount of justifying it really makes it right. But circumstances make the life what it is and while there is marriage there will always be those who stray.
People will judge you. Oh and will they. Just sew the big Scarlett letter on all your clothes and be done with it, especially if you live in a small town.
You don’t have a whole relationship, you just get the scraps and maybe that’s fine for a while, no complications, but feelings of freedom and excitement soon turn to loneliness and bitterness and wondering what you have done, especially if you fall in love and the relationship doesn’t move forward.
You probably have to see him interact with his family. If you are mutual friends and spend time in the same places then you will watch a family from the side lines knowing you can never have that part of him.
You can’t have a normal life with Christmases and birthdays. That part is self explanatory. He will be with his family for Christmas and his birthday, if you’re lucky, she won’t know you or when your birthday is and you can steal away. But if you are known then that isn’t going to happen.
You will always come last. This is a hard one, men always want the fun, they love having their women on the side, It’s a male ego thing I’m sure but they also love their families and unless things drastically fall apart you will always be the bit on the side.
It will come to an end, one way or another. Either he will lose interest, she will find out and he will stop or there’ll be a huge confrontation and things will change. Sometimes it works out for the Mistress and she gets her man but the collateral damage is always part of the life. There is guilt and hate and when children are involved those wounds take time to heal.
Life throws curve balls at you sometimes. You can’t always choose who you fall in love with. Sometimes it works out with a mistress and her man, and even the wife agrees that its the right way. It’s a very surreal moment when a wife tells you that she has thanked God you came along because her life is better now you have to deal with his shit.
Despite all this, my husband’s ex-wife and I are friends now.
We share a child and we shared a man.We have fun when we’re together freaking people the hell out. Our truth and our battles have long been fought and buried. Time heals all wounds and I am forever grateful it has worked out this way. Other women have not been as lucky – on both sides of the coin.
If you liked this post, click the thumbs-up button at the bottom of this post.
I’d really love to hear your comments, so please don’t be shy (comments make me do a happy dance).