My kids love Man vs Wild. It’s a documentary where Bear Grylls (a super-human, uber-tough, attractively-British navy seal) gets dropped alone in a variety of scary locations around the world. His mission: to survive, get through the night, forage for food, make shelter and climb/trek/bungee-jump (using a home-made bungee created entirely out of banana leaves and animal excrement) his way out of the wild and find his way to civilisation. While on his adventures, he has to cure ailments such as bites from mosquitoes/ticks/snakes/tigers. He also has to survive by eating all manner of interesting things.
He has eaten:
a multitude of bugs
a yak’s eye
raw sheep heart
zebra carcass (yes, it’s as bad as you’re picturing)
frog (neat, uncooked and explosive)
scorpions and snakes.
He has also drunk urine. Lots of his own urine.
Oh, and also elephant dung juice. Yummy.
My little people watch this show in abject fascination because they are about the furthest thing from adventurous when it comes to food. As in, if it has sauce, is touching other food, isn’t plain and devoid of flavour, it won’t be eaten.
This weekend, I was working and I heard my kids in the background giggling as they and hubby plotted an evil and excellent plan. They were going to make me lunch – Man vs Wild style. I worked to the soundtrack of giggles (if there’s a better sound in the world than your children giggling and bonding with dad while you get to work in peace, I haven’t heard it) and was summoned to the table by three very excited kids. I was served the following delectable treats: a lizard, a scorpion, monkey brains, slugs, a slice of tiger, a venomous snake and raw fish.
Looking as horrified as I could, and with the world’s worst British accent, I savoured this delectable feast Bear Grylls style. (It was especially ‘delicious’ because each tiny piece of food had been squashed into place by at least three sets of hands). The kids giggled with delight and as I nibbled on some monkey’s brains, I smiled because – like Mr Grylls – I have a kick-ass crew.
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