There’s this girl I know. She hates me. She watches my life with avid fascination…every little thing I do. Mostly, I’m able to avoid her, but every now and again, she finds me.
Yesterday, I was having one of ‘those’ days. You know the kind – when life seems too much and nothing goes according to plan? I was feeling like a failure because other people seem to manage the juggle so well and I was just.not.managing. Well, I bumped into The Girl. She looked at me and smirked. She looked at my disheveled appearance and her satisfaction was palpable.
Without a care in the world, she said, “You’re pathetic. Your husband deserves better. Your kids deserve better. You are a failure, Michelle.” Just like that.
Devastated, I replied, “You’re wrong! I try so hard! It’s just so hard sometimes to juggle being a good wife, good mum, good friend and then still try to find time to write and be productive. I am trying my best! Sure, I’m struggling a bit, sure I’m no supermodel, but I’m fine, just as I am.”
Again, she laughed. “Yeah, right. I see you smiling and trying to pretend to yourself and the world that you’re happy with yourself. I know the truth, Michelle. You’re not. You don’t deserve happiness. You can tell yourself you’re worth-it all you like, but we both know you’re not.”
I started to cry.
She continued, “You’re NOT a good friend. You’re not there for the people who need you. Your children need so much more from you than you give them. You are letting them down. You forgot your nephew’s birthday, you haven’t phoned your mother and I’m sure your siblings have given up on you. I won’t even start on your work. That’s laughable.”
I tried to tell her she’s wrong. I tried to tell her I AM worthy. I tried to explain that I try my hardest to be the best mother to my kids I can be, and I know that I fail them often but I also know that I am a wonderful mother most of the time. I tried to explain that I struggle with my weight and finding time to exercise and eat right is sometimes a massive challenge. I tried to get her to understand that I wish I had more time to see friends and catch up but that life is so busy that it steals weeks away between catch-ups. I tried. I really did.
She wasn’t listening.
She looked at me, shook her head, and walked away laughing.
I hate The Girl.
I know where she lives.
I wish she would move.
But she won’t.
Because she lives in my head.
Want to know how to keep The Girl away from your daughter?
Read this post about how our negative self-talk affects our kids’ self-esteems.
~~~~~~~~
If you liked this post, please share it with your friends, using the icons below and I’ll really love you if you click the thumbs-up button. You can also join the fun on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter. If you want to receive posts in your inbox (I deliver!) just click the FOLLOW below.
[blog_subscription_form]You may also want to read:
Lovely post yet again Mich!
And HOW! We do bully our selves
And its just as bad as when our kids our we are bullied by other bullies.
There is a lot of focus on bullying lately.
We really need to be kinder on our selves just as bullies need to learn to be kinder to their victims.
Thank Di, always appreciate your comments. xo
Mich, I read this and had a zillion thoughts run through my head. You seem so hard on yourself that I wanted to tell you, “Knock it off!” Then, I figured that wouldn’t sound supportive so I resorted to just giving you a hug. *Hug.* Finally, I started to feel like a hypocrite. As much as I talk about empowerment, positive self-talk, and loving yourself – I can be just as harsh and judgmental to myself! In fact, I most recently went through a week of beating myself up while Alon had to watch me feeling very helpless and sad. [Don’t worry – I made up with myself
].
Beautiful! And unfortunately I know that girl too. I really hate her, I’m working on my eviction notice!
When you finish it, photocopy it and send me a copy? ;p
Oh. My. Goodness!!! That was incredible to read, as that was me y’day too… and many other times prior… And we think we’re alone in it all, but you just wrote like you were writing from MY head!!! It’s strangely comforting… ummm… thank you… I just pray every day that I do enough good so my chn don’t suffer that same angst… So gald to come across you blog… Naomi G.
Thank you for this amazing comment. You have validated my feelings and I am so grateful. We aren’t alone, although some days it really does feel like we are. Good to know I have sisters in arms. Thank YOU for finding me!
Thank you for writing!!!!!!!!!! I enjoyed so many of your posts last night, it was difficult getting started this morning!!! ;o) … But no matter… I got through the day alot kinder to myself than I have been of late, and I’m attributing it to your post(s) being part of the prompting to go kindly and not just talk about savouring and relishing my children and what they bring to my life, but bloomingwell actually doing it!!!!! Blessings!!!
Truly, I’m GLAD!!! ;o)
Oh hon! (((Hugs))) I have this bitch who lives in my head too, who is awful. I know It’s hard ton shut her smirk ass up. Know this: you are a great woman. A great mum. A wonderful wife and friend. You, can do this!
Thank you! Yeah, let’s round up these bitches and send ’em packing. 😀
This post knocked me over!! The whole time I was reading it I was like- OMG who is thie awful and hateful person!! I did not see it coming. And then you hit me in the gut with the truth. And I know because I know her too. Wow- great post.
Thank you, Farrah. Don’t you hate her? But HOW do we get rid of her…THAT’S the question.
It’s hard to quiet that voice, isn’t it?
Amazing. I refer to my bully as the bitch-perfect-mother/person who lives on my shoulder. I hate her. I have learned to drown her out lately, but she still creeps in sometimes…
Why do you think we hold ourselves up to such high standards?
We need to learn to shut that bitch up!
She must leave your home and come to mine. I’m trying to be kind to her so she will be kind to me. She’s tough and weasley though! Great post. When I read it I want to hug you. You are great! Kick that ho to the curb!
I’m considering myself hugged. And right back atcha. xo
Mish, You are truly amazing. Your words are always so real and touching and true for more than you. It is so good to know that it isn’t just me who has that cow coming to visit in my head… it’s much easier to dismiss her when I know she visits others as well, and is nasty to them too!
Thank you, Natalie ((hug)) We need to figure how to shut her UP.
You need to punch that girl! Oh wait, don’t punch yourself. You know what I mean. Don’t we all just make ourselves miserable. It’s terrible the self talk we put ourselves down with. YOU are enough. You deserve every good thing you have!
THANK you. Your swimsuit post was what prompted her visit, by the way. So, THANKS ;p And yes, I am working on getting a pic to you. It’s going to involve copious amounts of wine. Prepare yourself.
I’m ready! I’m sorry my post prompted her visit. Gosh, now I feel bad!! Hold you head high and do this thing. I believe in you!
I think feelings of inadequacy are just part of everyone’s reality to some extent and for most of us (at least those of us living a first world reality) the greatest struggle we will ever have to keep them in check. You are so blessed that you don’t see her often and you are fortunate that you have the other voice to defend and validate you. Many of us don’t have another voice at all, and we live with the bully every day 24/7…good for you!
Kirsty, if you don’t have the other voice, I’ll be her for you: You are an inspiring, breath-taking human being. You have produced 5 amazing kids who are who they are because they emulate you. You have taught me so much about being a mother and we live a world apart, so this is no mean feat. You may not say these things to yourself, but you SHOULD BE. Until you do, I’ll be happy to fight that bitch in your head for you. She has no place being there. Xoxo, my beautiful friend.
Oh. So. True!! It’s hard to break those negative neuropathways that are so set but it can be done! Just have to keep at it and keep at it and keep at it. Great post!
It’s funny that the woman shows up. Sometimes she speaks for me, especially in my career. When patients tell me how wonderful I am or the doctor I work with tries to tell them I am her right hand woman- she speaks up and says- “Nah, I am just a nurse.” I try very hard to keep her quiet when my daughter is around, so she doesn’t see what negativity she leaves behind.
Michelle- I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog. I do enjoy it.
Christina, I hate that she visits you too. Glad you manage to shut her up when your daughter is around. This is foray news- it means you know how to! So now you need to treat yourself with that same love. Deal? Deal.
Glad you found my blog too
Michelle, I think we all have a little bit of that girl inside us. It takes all of my patience not to tell my kids to shut the f*@# up most days. Instead, I save those four words for that little negative voice in my head.
I love this post! Great message!
This was amazing. We talk so much about bullies, only not the ones inside our heads. I know this girl very well. I loathe her.
This is such a wonderful post. I, too, have that girl in my head telling me these things. I’m only a sophomore in college, but with my depression, I already worry about the day I finally have a family. I won’t be able to stay in bed all day like I do now. How will I help myself with little babies depending on me? It’s a constant worry of mine.